I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize