How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
