I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
