So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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