I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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