I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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