i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
