there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize