Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
