dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
