i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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