the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize