Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
