weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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