Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
