no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
