i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
