Girls should come with a carfax report
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
