Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
should my penis look like a turkey
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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