he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
