and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
