If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
