Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The air taste purple.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
