Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I want to make a zoo with you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize