what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
