Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
