Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
