he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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