The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
