wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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