I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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