we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
