i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
