she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
