just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
