Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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