What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You work out of a Hotel?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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