i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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