Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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