Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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