thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
