I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
