Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
