I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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