will power is for people who don't want to get laid
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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