forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize