my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
