My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize