i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
