I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm too high and old for this...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize