Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
