I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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