He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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