A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
