So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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