The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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