I'm going to rape someone's good day.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
