Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
