No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize