just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
