I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
