True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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