double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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