State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
