spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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