i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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